For over 15 years my family has run housing workshops and nonprofit work around housing justice.
At the same time, inside the family, I’ve been navigating housing insecurity myself.
That contradiction has been painful to sit with.
When I spoke up about the condition of the house and the hoarding situation, I was told it was “just the carpet.”
But anyone who has lived in a hoarding environment knows it’s never just one thing. It’s the weight of years of accumulated responsibility.
I said I didn’t want to be responsible for damages tied to something I didn’t create.
For a long time it felt like there was no alternative.
Then suddenly the solution appeared: my brother could take over the Section 8 voucher.
He has no income, so it actually makes more sense for him.
The hard part is realizing that this possibility was always there, but it only surfaced after a lot of conflict and hurt.
That’s what a double bind feels like.
You speak up about a problem and get shamed for it.
You stay silent and carry the burden alone.
In systems like that, the person naming the reality becomes the problem.
Right now I’m learning that the only thing I can control is my proximity to the system and my reaction to it.
And sometimes the most honest thing you can say is:
“I’m not carrying this anymore.”